stay in your lane?

What exactly is the value of “staying in your lane”?
Some of the best things in my life happened when I swerved.

note to self

Choose the challenge.

Everything you have ever achieved (or remember achieving) has been on the other side of something you considered difficult.

one day away

“Every person needs to take one day away.  A day in which one consciously separates the past from the future.  Jobs, family, employers, and friends can exist one day without any one of us, and if our egos permit us to confess, they could exist eternally in our absence.  Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for.  Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.”
— Dr. Maya Angelou

sleep priorities

Since I’ve decided to prioritize sleep, I find myself being very selective about evening events I commit to. My sister says that if I keep saying ‘No’, pretty soon, no one will invite me anymore to these evening soirees. “That’s okay,” I tell her. “I’m not optimizing for invitations. I’m optimizing for sleep.” 😇

sir richard branson

Sir Richard Branson was asked, “Now that you’re at the end of your life, what do you want to achieve?”

It was a poorly phrased question, for sure,  perhaps deliberately to generate a kind of response from Branson.

He responded in his usual manner, “Hold on a minute! I feel in my prime!” But later, Branson reflected further on his answer.

"Now, I’m 71 years old and fully aware of it. But I put a lot of effort into my fitness, manage my diet well, try to keep a healthy balance in my life, and my parents happily both lived long into their nineties. I’ve got a lot of life left to live. There is often lots of talk about legacy for people in the second half of their life, but I prefer to think about what there is left to achieve. I have never been a fan of looking back, and love to look forward to what is coming next. People in later life have an enormous amount left to give, and lots they still want to achieve. You’re never too young or too old to have a good idea and to put it into action."

note to self

Build it.

Build it before you are ready.

Build it before the plan is perfect.

Build it so you figure out what’s not in it. 🧡

becoming “other”

Back in 2015, I rented a small “artist’s studio” in Maine and spent a glorious 7 weeks by myself writing, discovering walking trails and lakes, and driving around getting to know coastal Maine.

My best friend, who is Black, asked me if I was ever afraid during this trip. She wasn’t asking because I was traveling alone (she did that too). She was asking because I was often alone in predominantly white spaces, where I was the only non-white person around. I told her Maine was beautiful (and still is one of my favorite places on earth). I told her I felt safe and never once felt scared. 

Today, unfortunately, I can’t say that anymore. I sometimes walk around in Florida and wonder what they are thinking about me because I don’t look like them. Maybe I’ve been naive all this time, but I finally felt what it means to be “other.”  

I feel a certain kind of loss that this is how it is for me now. Maybe I’ve always been “other”; I just was never made to feel that way so blatantly before.

the friday good list

unscheduled phone chats, the US Army Choir doing “Do You Hear The People Sing” at the WH Governor’s Ball, new subscribers finding We’re All Getting Older, finishing the first book in the All-Edith-Wharton reading project, getting back to doing the good list (again, finally, let’s see how it goes).

lesson learned

The stupidest thing I used to say — and wore like a badge of honor: 
“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

Yeah, I was one of those people 😳

NOT ANYMORE!

is this our future?

There’s a scene in HP and the Deathly Hallows where Ron keeps flipping through radio channels, searching for the right signal—the one with the real, uncensored news. And I wonder… is that our future? Are we there already?

best feedback ever

Someone from my corporate days told me recently, “You look so much more relaxed. You used to be such a control freak.” And I smiled ear to ear. Best feedback I’ve ever received! 🧡

astonish a mean world…

“Continue to be who and how you are, to astonish a mean world with acts of kindness. Continue to allow humour to lighten the burden of your tender heart.”  — Dr. Maya Angelou

not a midlife crisis

Deciding you want more from life, to do something different, or become a 'new' version of yourself — is NOT a midlife crisis.

It’s a growth spurt.

And a brave move. 🧡

i want to know…

I want to know that I’m not “fading quietly into the background” and still taking center stage in my life, especially as I get older.

I want to know I’m being audacious — being bold, dreaming big dreams, and shooting for the stars. Not necessarily for the sake of achieving them but for the experience of going after them and having that story to tell. How dare me, indeed!

in my 20s and 30s…

In my 20s and 30s, I prioritized relationships with:

• People who believed in my potential

• People who could support my career goals

Everything else? Secondary.

Fast-forward a lifetime of lessons, and here’s where my focus is now:

• People who inspire me to be the person I want to be

• People who challenge me intellectually

• People I can laugh with and truly enjoy life

• People who are just pure joy to be around

The result? Relationships that are richer, more diverse, and way more fulfilling. 🧡

peter roget

Do you know Peter Roget as a doctor (which he was until his 70s) or as the author of Roget's Thesaurus, which he wrote when he was 73?

Your best work might just be ahead of you. Get to it. 🧡

to dye or not to dye

I wasn’t trying to make a statement when I decided to grow my hair silver. I wasn't trying to convince anyone to embrace aging by embracing their gray. It wasn't even for health purposes.

It was curiosity. I was just curious about how I might look with my natural color. And I promised myself I’d go back to dyeing in a hurry if I didn't like it.

As it happened, I liked it 🤭 so I'm keeping it.

Midlife comes with lots of ideas about how to do it 'right.' That’s great — just don’t feel pressured to pick one.

In midlife, just as in every other phase of our life, “You Do You” is still the best rule to follow.

too old for that…

Some things I am indeed too old for:

• Getting pulled into other people’s drama.

• Ruminating about what someone might have meant when they did or said something.

• Talking with a friend for hours dissecting the above.

• Gossiping.

• Engaging in useless, inane debates about things I cannot possibly influence 

• Feeling sorry for myself.

What's on your list?

what we need

Sometimes, we need feedback.

Sometimes, we need coaching.

And sometimes, what we need is a full-throated rah-rah support.

Seems obvious but we don’t always know what we need, let alone know how to ask for it.

Have you mastered how to ask for what you need?

whoa, i’m in midlife?

When it hit me that, “Whoa, I’m in midlife?!” — I made one crucial and deliberate decision that made all the difference.

I decided that I was going to make the most of this experience.

I wasn’t going to get depressed, feel miserable, or mourn the passing of “my youth”.

I was going to embrace this phase and celebrate midlife.

And I was going to get ‘even better’ as I age.

The phrase that I started to write on my daily planner was “Glad to be here.”

So glad I made it to this stage of my life!

With the wrinkles and the gray hair and the joints that creak once in a while.

With all my experiences, my successes, and my failures.

With all my lessons learned and whatever handful of regrets that I have.

I’m glad to be here, and I’m here for it all.